I am a total bitch.
I know. I'm naggy and bratty and controlling at times. And I try to work on it; I appreciate that my dear love can put me in my place and tell me to "shut the fuck up" sometimes. But I am also loving and understanding and patient and caring. I wish he saw that. Sometimes, I don't know if he does.
Not everyone is strong enough to be in a relationship with an Aspie. I will admit (and so has he) that it can be very challenging. I sometimes don't feel like I have received any "credit" for it though. I don't need it, but it would be nice to hear a "thank you for being patient with me" once in a while. I feel useless. Like...useless to myself because I spend so much time trying to not say that wrong things. I don't ever want to make him feel the way teachers and classmates made him feel when he was a child. Retarded. Slow. Stupid. Weird. God knows he is NONE of those things. He is brilliant and handsome and warm and brave. I love his spirit and the way his eyes light up when he laughs. But sometimes I don't feel like I am enough. Am I enough? or am I TOO much? Would it be better if if was with someone more similar to him? Someone who "gets it."
I don't know. Maybe I should go to sleep and think about it all in the morning. I'm just having a hard time coping. I have no idea what its like to be an Aspie but being apart of it all is just as hard. Seeing someone you love go through something and not being able to help them is the most painful thing.
